What I really want you to know about me is ...

I am a lover of love
A believer in God/Goddess/Spirit/Source/Higher Power/The One with No Name

A girl who has learned some pretty tough lessons the hard way - and sadly had to learn several of them more than once.

A survivor.  A fighter.  A believer in love winning out over all.
A fiercely loyal friend.
A dreamer.
A musicaholic.
A creative being.
An introverted extrovert.
An Aries.

I have an insatiable fascination with spirituality and religion.
I love deep soulful conversations about life, spirituality ... the “big stuff” - let’s go deep.  (small talk makes me totally uncomfortable)

I am on a path that is showing me more and more (and more) Who and What I need to rely upon.

I am greatly aware that we are constantly to be learning and growing and listening and finding ways to love -- through even the hardest of circumstances.

I am still a little girl in so many ways.

I love to dance - and laugh - and be a complete and total weirdo!
I love to witness others having fun ... sinking into the joyous beauty of life.

I have a strong desire to inspire others, bring joy, elevate the love and peace.

I want others to know they are seen and heard and loved and that they matter.

I want to make a difference and believe in the smallest act of kindness rippling out far beyond what I could ever comprehend.

I believe in magic and serendipity and divine timing and intervention.

I believe we have countless ways in which to communicate with one another.

I believe we are hard wired for human to human connection.

I believe sharing our stories is a way in which to connect and heal one another.
I believe love is the antidote and medicine our world needs.
I believe in inclusivity, acceptance, tolerance, understanding, compassion.

I believe it is so important to inquire with compassionate curiousity instead of assume.

I believe what your perception is of a certain situation could be completely different than mine, and that is okay.

I believe every single human you come in contact with can teach you something.

I believe listening is an incredibly powerful way to show and express love for another.

I believe our sole purpose here is to love, spread love and be love.

What I DON'T really want you to know about me is...

I am scared quite often and can go to the worst case scenario possible in no time at all.

I have, and continue to work tirelessly on intimacy and trust issues.

I have been abused ... emotionally, mentally, verbally and sexually.

I have been date raped.

I have been in more than one addictive relationship.
I have felt completely unworthy of love and goodness, kindness and respect.

I stayed in an abusive marriage for over 5 years - and then drug my feet to get divorced because I was so scared of being looked at as a failure and even more scared of being a single mom raising two little girls.

I know far more than I ever would like to about the disease of addiction and the sickness called co-dependency.

I was scared to death to become a mother because I didn’t want to screw up my children.

I have moments where I want to run away.

I can be a real asshole without any patience or tolerance for anyone or anything.

I have a very self destructive side to me.

I had a tendency to sabotage anything good that would come into my life because I did not feel worthy.  I still have to be hyper vigilant where this is concerned.

I am still uncrossing wires of what love is and what sex is.

I suffer from PTS.

I tend to keep many at arms length ... only letting very few into my close inner circle.

I worry about what others think, (or don’t think) of me.

I don’t cook very often for my family.

I don’t make my kids lunches or do their laundry.
I am on social media far more than I care to admit.

I waste time.

I have terrible road rage!

I am afraid of being successful.
I am afraid of failing.

I am often totally winging it as a mom - figuring it out as I go.

I struggle using my voice, speaking up.

I fear what I have to say or share has no merit.

I am more skeptical than I care to admit.

I can let fear get the best of me ... sometimes even paralyze me in a sense.

What I want YOU to know, that I know for sure...

I know that healing is possible.

I know that just as easily as we dismembered ourselves - we can remember how to put ourselves back together again.

I know there is incredible power in human connection and in prayer.

I know blending a family which has endured addiction, death, divorce, and autism takes time, yet is completely possible with God and Love at the core.

I know some of our greatest suffering births our greatest lessons and growth, aiding in the ways in which we can help others heal.

I know that I love ALL of myself - even the parts I didn't want you to know about me.  It took me a LONG time to get to this space and truly feel it.  I am living proof that it is possible.

I know music is one of the best damn therapists there is.

I know laughter (until your stomach hurts) is incredible medicine.

I know it is my purpose to help others remember who they truly are - to be a traveling companion/cohort guiding them safely back home.

I KNOW I AM HERE TO LOVE.

oxoxoxo,

Kolleen

 

 

Reminders ...


It is possible to feel good again - I am your proof.

Don't ever forget ...

You are beloved.    You are worthy.   You are powerful. 

YOU ARE ENOUGH!