What I really want you to know about me is ...
I am a lover of love
A believer in God/Goddess/Spirit/Source/Higher Power/The One with No Name
A girl who has learned some pretty tough lessons the hard way - and sadly had to learn several of them more than once.
A survivor. A fighter. A believer in love winning out over all.
A fiercely loyal friend.
A creative being.
An introverted extrovert.
I have an insatiable fascination with spirituality and religion.
I love deep soulful conversations about life, spirituality ... the “big stuff” - let’s go deep. (small talk makes me totally uncomfortable)
I am on a path that is showing me more and more (and more) Who and What I need to rely upon.
I am greatly aware that we are constantly to be learning and growing and listening and finding ways to love -- through even the hardest of circumstances.
I am still a little girl in so many ways.
I love to dance - and laugh - and be a complete and total weirdo!
I love to witness others having fun ... sinking into the joyous beauty of life.
I have a strong desire to inspire others, bring joy, elevate the love and peace.
I want others to know they are seen and heard and loved and that they matter.
I want to make a difference and believe in the smallest act of kindness rippling out far beyond what I could ever comprehend.
I believe in magic and serendipity and divine timing and intervention.
I believe we have countless ways in which to communicate with one another.
I believe we are hard wired for human to human connection.
I believe sharing our stories is a way in which to connect and heal one another.
I believe love is the antidote and medicine our world needs.
I believe in inclusivity, acceptance, tolerance, understanding, compassion.
I believe it is so important to inquire with compassionate curiousity instead of assume.
I believe what your perception is of a certain situation could be completely different than mine, and that is okay.
I believe every single human you come in contact with can teach you something.
I believe listening is an incredibly powerful way to show and express love for another.
I believe our sole purpose here is to love, spread love and be love.
What I DON'T really want you to know about me is...
I am scared quite often and can go to the worst case scenario possible in no time at all.
I have, and continue to work tirelessly on intimacy and trust issues.
I have been abused ... emotionally, mentally, verbally and sexually.
I have been date raped.
I have been in more than one addictive relationship.
I have felt completely unworthy of love and goodness, kindness and respect.
I stayed in an abusive marriage for over 5 years - and then drug my feet to get divorced because I was so scared of being looked at as a failure and even more scared of being a single mom raising two little girls.
I know far more than I ever would like to about the disease of addiction and the sickness called co-dependency.
I was scared to death to become a mother because I didn’t want to screw up my children.
I have moments where I want to run away.
I can be a real asshole without any patience or tolerance for anyone or anything.
I have a very self destructive side to me.
I had a tendency to sabotage anything good that would come into my life because I did not feel worthy. I still have to be hyper vigilant where this is concerned.
I am still uncrossing wires of what love is and what sex is.
I suffer from PTS.
I tend to keep many at arms length ... only letting very few into my close inner circle.
I worry about what others think, (or don’t think) of me.
I don’t cook very often for my family.
I don’t make my kids lunches or do their laundry.
I am on social media far more than I care to admit.
I waste time.
I have terrible road rage!
I am afraid of being successful.
I am afraid of failing.
I am often totally winging it as a mom - figuring it out as I go.
I struggle using my voice, speaking up.
I fear what I have to say or share has no merit.
I am more skeptical than I care to admit.
I can let fear get the best of me ... sometimes even paralyze me in a sense.
What I want YOU to know, that I know for sure...
I know that healing is possible.
I know that just as easily as we dismembered ourselves - we can remember how to put ourselves back together again.
I know there is incredible power in human connection and in prayer.
I know blending a family which has endured addiction, death, divorce, and autism takes time, yet is completely possible with God and Love at the core.
I know some of our greatest suffering births our greatest lessons and growth, aiding in the ways in which we can help others heal.
I know that I love ALL of myself - even the parts I didn't want you to know about me. It took me a LONG time to get to this space and truly feel it. I am living proof that it is possible.
I know music is one of the best damn therapists there is.
I know laughter (until your stomach hurts) is incredible medicine.
I know it is my purpose to help others remember who they truly are - to be a traveling companion/cohort guiding them safely back home.
I KNOW I AM HERE TO LOVE.
It is possible to feel good again - I am your proof.
Don't ever forget ...
You are beloved. You are worthy. You are powerful.
YOU ARE ENOUGH!